6 months of sobriety...don't hate the player
(This is not a sponsored post...I really am 6 months sober)
It has been a long time coming for me. I knew I would be entering into the busiest, most stressful time at work, and I decided that was enough. Looking back now, I don't know how I would be where I am today if I had to depend on the bottle.
Depend on the bottle to de-stress from work
Depend on the bottle to go to sleep
It was bad. But growing up in an environment where everything is about appearances and what others think of you made it super easy. Just set some rule:
No drinking before 5pm
No drinking during the day
No drinking and driving
No getting wasted to the point where you can't walk in public
No getting so drunk you can't string together a semi-logical sentence in conversation
Not bad (I thought to myself), I can still drink Every Single Day. In fact, as long as I drink at home and plan to stay home, I can drink as much as I want.
I had to make sure to drink enough, because I needed it to fall asleep. I depended on it for YEARS to fall asleep. But I couldn't drink too much because I have work in the morning. Sometimes I would get it right, and sometimes I wouldn't. Then sometimes I would really miss the mark and the hangover would be so rough, I'd be battling a migraine on top of the sickness. But I did it. It was all I knew. I played the game. As I reflect, I can see that that is all I did. And as long as everyone could see that everything was okay, and nothing was wrong, and that I didn't have any problems, I was winning. I played the game.
I didn't have to care. In that environment, there was no negative notoriety in drinking alone, every day, until you fell asleep. It was easy.
Some say the hardest part is realizing you have a problem. To each their own...your mileage may vary. I say, the hardest part is asking for help.
I had to do some real introspection into the things I actually appreciate the most (people are on the list, but I am not listing or naming people in this blog).
I love freedom
I love tech
I love cars
The are certain, very lawful activities that you simply cannot engage in while drinking or drunk. In fact, there are things you cannot do or even qualify for as someone dependent on any addictive substance. It's up to you to be truthful about such things...to each their own.
I love tech. I love figuring things out and problem solving. Working through issues. Making a plan, building a project, watching it work. It is incredible how much alcohol must have stifled my ability to reason my way through frustrating issues that need a deeply logical resolution. It sucks that alcohol makes you think drunk too.
I am a German car guy. I love tinkering with my car. I love driving and listening to music. It helps clear my head. It's not like drinking. I can't enjoy my drive if I drink. I also told myself I wouldn't drive drunk. The alcohol and driving just do not, and should never, mix.
I realized that if I continued drinking, there would be certain tangibles in my life that I would never get to enjoy. So I asked for help.
On March 13th 2024, I reached out to WorkIt Health. Workit Health offers discreet telehealth addiction treatment through a downloadable app. This treatment was covered by Aetna insurance, but reach out to your specific insurance provider for what your level of coverage may be. On April 13th 2024, I had my last sip of alcohol, and have not had a drop of alcohol since then. I have been 100% sober since April 14th 2024.
For anyone that is struggling with addiction: you are not alone. If you want to stop or cut back, there is no shame in getting help. Asking for help shouldn't feel like we are leaving a permanent stain on our life; instead, think of it as finally finding the right detergent. With the right support we can fight even the most persistent stains. And believe me addiction is persistent and can even leave some permanent marks.
I highly recommend WorkIt Health. However, It is not for everyone. The progress depends on you. Workit Health can give you the tools and show you how to use them, but they can't use them for you. Please be honest, and care for and about yourself. If your getting help, it's okay to not care what anyone else thinks of you. If they are negative because they find out about your addiction because you are seeking treatment, then they are only thinking of the problem. You are thinking of the solution. You're doing it for you, and that is what's important. You got this.